The flu and the identity crisis

June 1, 2010

I think yesterday was one of the most traumatizing days of my life. As i write this the right side of my face is hurting and I have a fever but i need to let the world know. So, sister #3 was wondering what her name meant in arabic and I told her that we could use my arabic dictionary ( my as in I own it) to find out. Apparently, her name means exalted or high and when I looked up mine I was slightly shocked. It was something awful, at least if you spell it in the urdu way. But when i scrolled down the exact english spelling of my name was there under the awful meaning. No wonder when in arabic class I wrote my name the urdu way the teacher got mad at me and told me to spell it differently and she always hesitated in saying my name. Something I am only noticing now. She would pronounce my name differently, and one day actually said to me, ” i  know I say your name wrong but I can’t say it the other way.” So, yesterday when I told my siblings they laughed for about 5 second but then I gave them two option for my name. One was slightly similar to the way my arabic teacher had be spell it minus one letter which means showers of rain or tears which I think is a perfect fir because I love rain. And the other is my last name as I have two name none of which include my father’s name and no one else in the family has the same last name as I, kinda like two first names which means crystal clear. It was an identity crisis readers. The name I had lived with all my life and was actually proud of was totally wrong. It wasn’t me at all. And if a name tells a lot about a person and a person is like their name, then I wasn’t a very good person. I felt slightly different with the new names and it will take everyone a while to get use to it. Now whenever someone calls me by the old name i just don’t respond. Its a new beginning I can tell.


One Response to “The flu and the identity crisis”

  1. MoCo Says:

    Peace be upon you,

    Ok now im totally curious what was your old name and what did it mean? I had/ have the same problem too. My name means something unique in urdu but it has a very bad meaning in Arabic. I tried to get people to call me by my middle name but it didn’t work out so well.


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