” You should know who you are by now.”

January 15, 2010

I’m taking a break  from homework right now. My brain literally hurts from working from 2pm till now, non stop. I just had my coffee and now its back to more work. For the past few days I really wanted to write about this topic. I know its a little touchy and might spark some heated discussions but I’m the type of person who has to write down or say whatever is on my mind otherwise holding it in my head will suffocate me. ok enough with the drama.

This is a serious topic and i’m sure many of us wonder about this often. I’m talking about the people around us and how different they are in different circumstances and with different people. Yes, adaptation is part of human nature but we also has have to realize that there are certain limits and boundaries we have to follow. Which is another reason I’m glad I’m not longer on facebook. I remember that often times people in my classes and good acquaintances would behave and talk a certain way in front of me but when they were on facebook via they comments and status message, its was like a totally different person was talking. What surprised me even more was that they would dress a certain way during the day or in public and then when they posted pictures of themselves, again it didn’t even look like the same person. I often wonder why people have these dual personalities. Of course we can become several different people, its part of our nature but again the whole thing comes back to the limits and or morals in general. I’m not talking about creating a different alias every semester in you classes ( i.e. pretending to be a senior in one class and a sophomore in another to avoid standing out…..that’s different, and don’t ask me how i came up with this or if i’ve done this before)

And then what about people who look nice and trustworthy and then you find out that they lie and backbite? Back biting in Islam is the equivalent of eating the flesh of a donkey, and yet you see so many muslim doing it. And for some reason a lot of people have told me that they hate hijabis because they backbite more that everyone else. To those girls, I just want to say, its better to leave the hijab at home if that’s what you’re doing. You’re wearing the hijab for your self and you should not be talking about people who don’t wear hijab and categorize them any way at all. But before I talk to anyone else I’m writing all this down to remind myself first.

There was a time when I was a big chatty Kathy. I didn’t necessarily gossip but i would say everything that was on my mind without thinking about it at all. Most of what i said was about myself. FYI i’m wasn’t self absorbed, i just didn’t know who else to talk about. Anyhow, i still like talking a lot and can’t stay quiet for more than 2 mins. It kills me, i tell you. But you know how there are several lessons of life that God makes us learn at certain times, knowing when to speak and to think before i spoke was a lesson I’m glad I have recently learned. I notice the change in myself.

It does take a lot of practice, especially when you’re upset about something. The one thing i was really inspired by was girl about my age at a halaqa who said that often times we say things when we’re angry and later when wonder how we had the capacity to say such a thing especially when we didn’t mean it and that you do not get anything out of hurting others, in fact you just end up feeling crappy yourself. I’m sure there are several hadith about this, which i will try to find and post up. She said this a few years ago, but its finally hitting home now. My other greatest inspiration is my mom’s friend.  I will def. write about her b/c she deserves a post of her own. I always pray that I grow up to be like her. Her patience, manners, the way she speaks really shows that she is adopting what Islam really teaches us in her daily life about how to treat other people and God’s creations.

So for the past several weeks, months actually, I’ve begun to realize that whenever I’m about to say something, i repeat it my my head several times and only say it if I think its appropriate. I don’t remember when exactly I adopted this but I’m really glad it happened sooner than later. Of Course there are sometimes when i’m upset or when my ocd is so over powering that I lash out, but I’m working hard on trying to control myself on this. And just to clarify I’m not talking about the cursing habit. I don’t curse and won’t. An example would be, lets say someone, your friend doing something that you don’t like and to get ” pay-back” you end up saying something awful to her because you know that its piercing. I hate that word ” pay back” buy the way. If you’re one of those and you think that you do this unintentionally, a good way to stop is to put your self in this person’s shoes and trying to imagine how you would feel if this was said to you.

I know its a lot of random comments here and there but hopefully some of you know what i’m talking about. If you want to share such an experience please do so we can all learn from each other. And my sister told me that she hates how I capitalize I at some places and leave it lower case (i) in others. If this is bothering you, just let me know. I know grammar and correct people when they use incorrect grammar sometimes but this is just me being lazy.

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2 Responses to “” You should know who you are by now.””

  1. Alisha Says:

    Excellent post, masha Allah. I wonder too why some people act so double faced. I have a cousin who behaves in a very sweet way with everyone but backbites about each and everyone! I have never seen someone so two faced as her. I wonder how people can be so evil, really. Hopefully they will change soon because these kinda ppl make others’ lives quite difficult.
    And really good to know that you have started to think before u speak. I used to do the same before; blurt out whatever that comes to mind. But for some time now I too have been thinking before talking. I have stopped myself from saying several careless things because of this, Alhamdulillah.
    Sorry for the long comment, but your post got me thinking. 🙂

    • lifeanddramaofhandm Says:

      Oh don’t apologize at all. I love that you put up a long comment, and I’m glad that this post got you thinking. I think that you should give random hints to your cousin to let her know what she is doing. I sometimes do that with my siblings. For example, yesterday my brother lied to me and i called him to me and read some hadith to him and told him to think about it. You should indirectly let your cousin know what she is doing. And I’m glad that you have also realized that you speak before you think, if we all do this then the world might be a better place. I still need to improve though.


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