I thought she almost died.

I know I don’t talk much about my family unless I have to complain about about one of them and then I just go off on rant but today I thought I might talk about my youngest sister. She’s 12 years younger than me and since she is the youngest she’s also very spoiled, next to my only brother whose one of 6 children. Let’s call her S. She’s very special in our house as is every youngest child in every family. She had down syndrome which makes here even more special but in our house we never treat her like she’s behind other kids or “special” in the derogatory sense. PErsonally, I treat her like a normal 10 year old her age because I believe that if we, her family give her this strange ” special” treatment then outsiders will also treat her differently and she will feel terrible when she gets older and will not have very successful social interactions. And she’s really not that different from other kids her age. She’s 10 year old but mentally she’s 6. She wears glasses and nothing more is different about her. And she is the most loving and caring people I’ve ever seen. I’m not saying this because I’m her sister, I really mean it, in some cases she’s more mature than normal 10 year olds. You’ll see why I say this. To begin with, she started going to school when she was 2. And then the teachers said that we should stick with one language at home and school so she doesn’t become confused and kids like her don’t do well with 2 languages. In my house you’ll always hear 3 different languages being spoken. Let me explain: I speak 3 languages fluently. With my mom and dad I speak Punjabi, and sometimes urdu with my mom, BUT never with my dad because his urdu is terrible. Then there’s always urdu news running in the background on the tv 24 hours in my house because we all feel like we have to know every single thing that’s happening in the world. Then comes my sister younger than me, she speaks broken punjabi so after sometime into the conversation she gives up and speaks in English to everyone. Then my other sister after her never learned punjabi and so she can only do urdu and english. She does urdu with my parents and english with her sibs. Then the other sister whose lived in Germany for 1/3 of her life also does only urdu with parents and english with siblings. Then my brother who has a similar case as the two above. Also, they all kinda sorta understand punjabi when you speak it very slowly but can’t read/write urdu. Then comes S, she can understand punjabi but with my mom she will respond in urdu and with everyone else including my dad will do english. Its surprising how she quickly switches between the two. She also has an imaginary friend which I’m beginning to think is a Jinn-ghost because apparently it translates for her and it floats in a chiar, but that story can be told at another time. So she does these two languages and she also goes to Quran class where she will sit and mostly play with other kids and sometimes decides to read the Quran. It took a year to get the arabic alphabet down. I started helping her memorize the small surah- passages in the Quran and she got the first 3 lies of Surah Nas. And when something happens she’ll use arabic words, like when she sneezes, or sees something shocking on tv she’ll hold her ears and say Astagfirullah- I seek forgiveness from Allah. I think she saw that on tv one day and learn from there or saw my mom, or maybe her ghost friend told her. The thing I love the most about her is that she absolutely loves to clean. After every meal, no one tells her to do this and she’ll grab a broom and start cleaning the kitchen floor. Its so funny because we tell her to stop and she will tell my mom that we’re bothering her and she’ll say, ” I have to broom because K. didn’t clean the floor correctly!”
Anyhow, the reason I thought that the other day was almost going to be her last. Friday morning I woke her up to get her ready for school and as she was changing her clothes she almost fell on me. I thought that maybe she was still sleeping. Then I talked to her and she just said, ” my stomach hurts” and her legs started trembling and she fell to the ground. I didn’t know what to do, I was so scared and she had fainted. I called out to everyone for help and one of my sisters came to us. We both picked S up and put her on the bed. I knew a little about what to do in this kind of situation but its easier to see it on tv and think that when the situation arises you’ll handle it perfectly. Well, I knew that I should keep talking to her and I thought that maybe giving her some water would help, although most doctors or first aid classes say not to give the person water. Thank God my parents keep random medical supplies in the house. We have a stethoscope and blood pressure cuffs lying around the house and we think her blood pressure might have been low. So anyways, she woke up after a few minutes and the only thing this poor girl could say was that she was going to be late for school and didn’t want to miss the movie and class party. Ah, the small things right. We all told her to stay at home so we could take her to the doctor but she just started crying at the thought of missing school. But Alhumdillah- thank God, she’s was ok that day. I was so scared.

Random

I’m surprsied at how long I haven’t written. I actually feel very

guilty about it. Nothing new is happeneing this summer. I planned on doing so much as always and although the summer isn’t completely voer.

You might be wondered my I’m skipping so many lines while writing all this and frankly I don’t know. Something is wrong with the computer or the wordpress site.

Oh well, there’s a lot I could write but I don’t have time and apparently a lot of my readers know me in person too, which jus makes everything awkward. ( you know who I’m talking about)

But I just wanted to let the internet know that I’m alive.

On another note, I’m redoing my room so I’ll put pictures of that up when everything is done.

You know its two weeks into summer when you miss doing homework

I hate sitting at home feeling worthless. With no homework to do and nothing to keep me busy I feel like a completely useless person…. this is why some politicians hate the concept of socialism in American…. people like me would be totally spoiled. But don’t worry, all hope is not lost, summer just started so I do have some plans and several things on my to do list. For one, I would like to ear money this summer. I’ve applied to a few places and even heard back from two great positions. I won’t say which ones. If I do…. I may just have to kill you. hehe. But I also want to help around my current internship.

Then I had started reading this book The Adventure of Amir Hamza before finals and I wanted to study for finals so now I have all the free time to read it. Then I’ve started reading several books in urdu. Some are easy reads but some are so complicated that I find myself underlining every fifth word of it. And trust me my urdu is not elementary, its quite advanced, but some of these books are killing me. There’s one in particular about science and Islam. On one page the only words I didn’t find myself underlining WERE THE ONES IN ENGLISH! I know…. kill me.

And of course I’m continuing my class on manners in Islam. I’m seriously considering writing a story this summer. Each summer I start writing one but they never finish. Writing an autobiography is so much easier…. but my life is not that interesting. trust me.

Another great thing about summer is watching tv. All the favorite summer shows are coming back like White Collar and Covert Affairs, and Psych. And new urdu dramas are coming out too, and some plays. One of my most favorite ones called, ” Mein Abdul Qadir hoon” is almost ending, it was so good. Its a coming of age drama where this guy goes through three phases of his life. If you understand urdu you should def. watch it.

As the saying goes….

So there’s a saying in urdu we say to people when they say something stupid and it goes something like this, ” where were you when Allah- God was distributing brains to everyone…. grazing….”

I may not sound right in urdu but anyways, I think I was out grazing when God was giving social filters to everyone. There are so many reasons I say this but here’s what happened  today:

I was so tired because I only got one hour of sleep and so i got to arabic and the teacher was like, ” H, today i’m afraid of you. you look like you’re going to kill me.” And then we starte talking about how yesterday one of the girls in the class- Katie got smacked in the head with a homeless man and I decided to tell everyone what I would have done…. which of course was hit him, but then idk how this came out, but I was like, ” this is why sometimes you need to have a weapon on you.” which I don’t even agree with so I don’t know how this comment came out. I swear sometimes I think there’s someone else living inside my head.

Later………

There’s a  kid adam who couldn’t get this thing right for the grammer and she goes like, ”  I just want to jump off the building.”

and without even thinking about what i was say and why i was talking I go like, ” why are you going to jump, thrown him.” and she laughed and goes like, ” you and I should hang out more.”

but the class was quiet for like 2 mins.

kill me so I can save the little face I have.

taking a break.

Three weeks of school left, and i still have so many exams and presentations due. I wish I could kill myself….not literally of course. I’m trying to be a nicer/better person. I don’t know if I told you about the online class I’m taking about manners in islam. It’s had a big effect on me…so big that I was surprised myself. No, I’m not a totally different person now who everyone wants to be around. Most people want to be around the mean me too. so it’s not like i was a complete loner before this. Anyways, the other day I was talking with my mom and she said something and I was like, ” oh I can’t argue with you b/c my teacher said that God hates people who fight.” The look on her face was shocking. I wish there was some background music or something or our thoughts were read out loud. Her’s would have been something like, ” OMG! What I’ve been trying to teach your for the past 21 years you didn’t get and now this teacher that you can’t even see or really talk to is such a big part of your life.”  Yeah well, what can I say. The other day she told me that I would make a good wife if I wasn’t able to speak or someone taped my mouth. I get that a lot.

Ok, well the less angry me is bidding you farewell until exams are over and then I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with my life after that. I ended up ordering this big book that apparently I have to read now. It was originally in Urdu but I bought the english translation b/c ebay didn’t have the book in urdu. Its called ” The Adventure of Amir Hamza.” the translation is ok, but I prefer reading it in the original urdu.

P.S. if you want to learn urdu I guess you can get in touch with me. It’ll give me something to do.

I think she hates me in the good kinda way, but she still makes me cry.

Today in arabic we had to read a passage and then answer some questions and there was a word I came across and the teacher was walking around and I asked what it meant and she gave me such a bad look.

teacher: ” I can’t believe you just asked that.”

me: ” what? why? I really don’t know what it means?”

teacher: ” Class! You know what really annoys me about H (me)?”

Class: ” Are you gonna make H cry? do it!”

Teacher:  ”She was so smart in arabic 2, she knew more back then than what she knows now, I don’t know what this other class did to her.”

me: ” We were too spoiled in the other class.”

Teacher: ” Class, you know what’s worse? It looks like she doesn’t even care about this class and is laughing on top of it. H, do you really care?”

me: ” yeah I do. But this semester i”m taking other hard classes so I will care more next semester.”

Teacher: ” you will care for another teacher but not me.”

Me: ” well, why don’t you just teach the class I’m taking next semester and then you will see how much I care.”

Internet, this calls for some serious brownie points! I need to have a really good presentation for tomorrow and for the final.

Two things that are greatly needed right now.

Aside from some really good homemade ice cream which we made all of spring break two things that I would love to have right now:

1. Electric bike ( pink with a white basket)

2. new watch

and a back up for # 2- long harem pants.

If you happen to have any of these things just lying around think of me.

updates on Islam Awareness week and Unicef event to come.

 

This was the last break till Summer.

Spring break… to some its a time to go to backpacking around Europe, have fun at the beach, go to Puerto Rico and for some like  my friend Rhea who lives in the Caribbean and her backyard is the beach its a time to go home and relax and sleep till 1pm. Sleeping till 1 in the afternoon is a problem don’t you think? I’ve never done it. I don’t think I’ve ever slept past 11am. Its not something I grew up with. Even now on the weekends I get up at 5 to pray and then either go back to sleep or sometimes go running and on other miserable days stay up to do hw, and if I do decide to go back to sleep I’m up by 9.

Anyhow, this post is about break. So, while most people have tons of fun for me break is a relief and time to catch up with all the hw and try to get ahead with studying a writing papers. I must say, I am disappointed that I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted but I’m so grateful that I got to do some things that I planned to do during break. There are still 3 days left so not all is lost. I’m kinda behind schedule but I will try to stay up late tonight and and finish what I can. I was being too optimistic to think that I could finish two moths of work in a week. I mean I did need the time to go to bed 10 so I wouldn’t die, and I’m still sore from the running.

We all just had fruit smoothies and am totally bloated so I will leave now and sit in the basement without my computer so I can actually get some work done.

-peace.

12.5 miles.

I went running today to the masjid which according to map quest is 6 miles from my house. I can’t believe I did it. I went last night at night but had to turn around half way because it was getting dark. I went this morning at 11:30. I went with my brother and we read zuhr prayer there. On the way we saw a lot of crazy things. As you can see when you click the tumblr link below even though i missed a lunch date in the process. I cam home and got ready as quickly as possible and wore make up and everything only to find that the girl ( who I’ve never met and don’t even  know her name was gone). She’s the daughter of a family friend and I had to entertain her. I though I would make a new friend but InshAllah next time. P.s. I met M this Friday and we had frozen yogurt which was so expensive but we tried to catch up on the last year of our lives in 2 hours. I also helped her get grocery for the dinner she was going to make that night for her parents. It was soup and turned out great. They loved it.

Again you can see pictures here: ( click below, hopefully that should work)

www.uncloudedillusions.tumblr.com

“ beautiful boys make me shy”

I wrote this two weeks ago. Hopefully, its still exciting.

ahem….

 

I was running down the metro stairs and racing the guy next to me. I could hear the train as I flashed my smart trip metro card. As I ran across the gate I could see a balance of $245 on the card. “Yes!” I said to myself, “ I least I get metro money.” The guy and I were right beside each other now and the train was staring there.

“ Stand back, the door are about to close” said the operator. I sprinted inside. And when I sat down in the seat I gave a big smile to the guy sitting across form me who came from God knows where… and then the train started moving.

The guy across from me was reading a book for which I couldn’t see the title. He got off on the next stop. And then I realized that I was sitting at the end of the train and the only one at this end. I decided to move where there were some more people. I moved a few seats just to see and when I looked around I saw him. Him the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. He kept looking around and then would lean his head against the pole. He had curly blonde hair and the perfect roman nose and the mysterious eyes that appeal to everyone. Although I can’t quite remember what color his eyes were, I wasn’t close enough. We get to the Tenleytown metro stop and an old man walks in BLOCKING MY VIEW. I tilted my head sideways and to look at him and although it hurt my neck it worked. Then the old man shifted his position and crossed his legs…. Perfect. I could see him! Then on the next stop these crazy high schoolers came in and started making so much noise. He kept staring at them and following them with his eyes. I was too. Unlike the other people around I think we both weren’t annoyed with them just perplexed and curious. I loved his “curious” look if it was that. Then we got to Woodly Park, and the train manager goes, “ We’ll be holding here until further notice.” It turned out to be 45 mins but I was not complaining. He kept looking around and I kept staring. I think it was obvious that I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Our eyes even met for a brief 0.7 seconds. Then he stood up and I noticed a white scarf ( kafiyyah but with brown lines on it ) wrapped around his next in a triangle like arab boys tie it. AND he was holding a guitar. Beautiful and artistic!

He ended up getting off at Dupont circle. The chances of me seeing him again are zero.

Dear beautiful man, your face pops up in my mind every now and then. Is this weird? I’m not going to stalk you. It was destiny for me to get on that train and I missed by a few second. I was meant to see you. And I hope to see you again. It’s a secret wish that the internet now knows.

I told my Arabic class about you. And thought about you when I said “ beautiful boys make me shy in Arabic. Ragool gameeloon tagalee ashar bilhagal.”

(if the sentence structure is wrong please excuse me). Metro guy, I hope I see you again but next time I sit close enough to see you and there isn’t an old man in our way. Even if we didn’t talk you seem perfect, if only you were muslim.

 

P.S. I went running on Sunday for two hours. There were so many things/places in my town that I didn’t know. Like the fact that there’s a blacksmith in the area. I took pictures. You can see them on tumblr : www.uncloudedillusions.tunblr.com

This Saturday I’m going to run for 6 miles from my house to the masjid at 4 in the morning and read Fajr  (prayer before sunrise) there. InshAllah ( God Willing). If I write another post you’ll know I survived.